But I Want to be a Mama...

I was informed today that my employers will need me to work in the office full-time when I return to work on March 1st. I had asked before I left in December if it would be possible for me to work 30 hours (instead of 40 hours) and if I could work at home everyday except Fridays when Zeb could keep Finn for me to go into the office.

I knew it was a stretch, but they wouldn't confirm one way or another. Until today.

If I worked 40 hours in the office per week, I'd have to put Finn into daycare four days a week. The cost of daycare, coupled with the cost of gas I'd pay per month, would leave us with very little income left over. Not to mention, I'd be an hour and a half away from the little fella. Overall, an 8-hour work day turns into 11 hours that I would be away from him everyday (with the hour and a half commute each way).

The thought of spending most of Finn's first year away from him is absolutely heartbreaking. I have always wanted to be a mother. The fact that money might inhibit the gift of motherhood and the ability to witness all of my child's firsts is completely paralyzing.

First Smiles

Finn smiled (an undeniable, it's-not-just-gas) smile and giggle-coo'd at me for the first time this morning. What an amazingly simple bucket o' joy that was for me.

"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs.
Dust, go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."
                   -- Anonymous

However, one should clean and scrub one's body regularly. Not easy to do with a wee bairn.

Quick! He fell asleep! Go take a shower, Lauren! 

*The above photo is not documentation of the "real" smiles from this morning. Pretty sure this one was just a "tootie" smile.

One Month Old Today!

Little Finn McCool is one month old today!

He:

• is getting more red-headed everyday!
• loves "tummy time" and can hold his head up and look around for a couple of minutes at a time.
• loves to swing!
• toots. A lot.
• wakes up every four hours during the night to eat, but...
• during the day he eats every two hours and is still hungry!
• loves to kick his legs while we change his diaper.
• has major diaper blow-outs about once a day.
• wears an average of 4 or 5 outfits a day because of said blow-outs and diapers springing a leak.
• loves to snuggle with Daddy in the mornings and on the couch.
• weighs about 10.5 pounds.
• has his mama's ears, God bless him.
• is super curious by any funny sounds we make.
• is not a big fan of photo shoots.
• likes warm baths.
• is asleep in my lap right now.